Velvet

後來，我只能在夢裡才能見上妳一面，但也只是夢裡的偶然，無論在睡前如何的思念妳，夢也不會虛化的建構出妳的意像，因為夢是另一種現實，時間與命運依舊仿造現實世界的樣子在其中運行，不過夢著實的拋除與現實世界的關聯，所有在夢境中人與人的關係都是趨向自己的意識而後再造，也因如此，我才能在沒有過去記憶的包袱下和妳說上一句話；能再觸碰到妳那件藍色的絲絨外套。

手輕柔撫過絲絨綿密的質感，猶如妳白皙的肌膚，我說：「妳是我遇過最好的女孩。」，妳看著我微微的笑了。心裡懊悔著，我從沒在現實和她說過這句話，在夢中，即使那個她不會是她，或許補償心態作祟，或許於事無補，我還是希望她能知道這句話是真實的。　

妳是我腦中無法排解的毒藥，我過著不能不想起妳的日子，種種的回憶使我意志消沉，讓我急於毀滅自己的存在。我的愛情到妳身上就是終點，而後對愛的感覺就像是被掩埋、被焚燒，消失無蹤，如此致命，如此悲劇。

我的手臂被妳抓緊，妳說妳害怕醒來後就要分開。如果可以，我也不想就此清醒，回到現實過著苦痛的生活，但我們怎麼能與身體的規律性作對抗；又怎麼能與現實的皈依性作對抗。所有的夢都會結束、所有美好的一切終究消逝、所有愛情都將趨往分離，最後這是我們共同的體認。

妳曾說妳再也不相信愛情，我反駁，那這個世界又有什麼值得相信的嗎。但在妳離開後，我漸漸能理解妳對愛情的不信任，因為我也對愛情開始感到茫然。這一生，愛情的故事，來了又去，對情慾的渴望被埋蓋在夢中最深層的無人地帶。在一切結束之後，我終會想起妳與妳藍色的絲絨外套。

The Big Pink - Velvet from rob hawkins on Vimeo.

Seen it in my head, burning my heart
Seen it in my past, back in my home
Doesn't make sense, see her again
I don't, know
I felt it for some time, ever not at all
Poison in my head, gun love hurts
I'm not looking for love, but it's hard to resist
I don't recall, me and mistakes

She's the only one, that's the best I've had
I found her in a dream, looking for me
This heart's on fire, I'll bring myself
Up to the force, down again

These arms are mine
Don't matter who they hold
So should i maybe, Just leave love alone
You call out my name, for the love you need
Which you won't find in me

These arms are mine
Don't matter who they hold
You're made for me, and i'll leave love alone
you call out my name for the love you need
Which you won't find in me

Seen it in my head, burning my heart
I found her in a dream, looking for me
Doesn't make sense, see her again
I don't, know

I can see the end, of what I've become
A tale of a love, come and gone
But now my love, no promises
I won't go, falling in love